I finally started picking up my Bible again. 

Sometimes, I read it and I think about how hard it is to live up its mandates. "Let love be genuine." "Outdo one another in showing honor." "Be of one spirit." "Hope does not fail." And then I think of all grudges I harbor, and how it's so much easier to hold onto our own self-entitlements, than to surrender our pride for freedom from our sinful natures.

And then I read about Jesus and think, "He wasn't such a nice guy." And then I think, "Do I really know Him intimately, because right now, it feels like I'm reading a history book and making observations from a distance."

And then I question why "God consigns all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all" and then agree that yes, "How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways!" (Roman 11.32-33), but I wonder if that's a good thing at all.