Tuesday, December 16, 2008

because i need to do this for myself

Urbana 2006: Live a life worthy of the calling..

Amy and I recently began relistening to the Urbana album. Two years later, the tracks "Unify Us", "I Have a Calling", and "You Alone are God" still hold the same significance they did when we worshiped alongside 20,000 other Christians. But at the same time, sometimes, the words feel so empty. Two years later - what are we doing with our lives? Urbana's mandate was to go forth - go live a life worthy of the calling, go serve those in the ends of the earth - go proclaim the Word of the Lord to those who are weak and down trodden.

Two years later, I am teaching at a "high-need" school in the Bronx. Two years later, I have been to Africa, I have lent my services and my time in the Third World, and am now working in poverty-stricken areas. But two years later, I'm not certain that my heart is aligned with God's.

There's a difference between desiring to please God and merely adhering to Christian principles. It's called legalism. Several weeks ago, a visiting pastor at my home church (yes, ICA) pointed out the phenomenon of young people desiring to go into the "inner-city" - the only place deserving - to teach. It is a not a bad thing, he stated, but it is most important to understand why you choose to do. Do we do it because we understand that God's heart longs for those who are physically and spiritually impoverished? Or do we do it.. out of our own reactions to intuitions of injustice? Am I looking to see heaven come down on earth, or am I searching merely for the earthly resolutions? Again, I ask, what makes me different from any other secular humanist?

To walk humbly with our God - is the most important thing.. And I pray that I'm not saying this because I know that is the Christian ideal, but because I really believe it.

2 comments:

CC said...

My pastor and I have actually been talking about a similar topic recently....

Have you read the book "Desiring God" by John Piper? I should pass it off to you during break.

Unknown said...

Ouch. I hear that. I have had similar thoughts or sermons floated my way in that regard-- it's so hard to tell where your own heart is, it feels like a whirlwind just to sit and think and try to figure out where you are and how you got there.

That said, God isn't above using you where you are, no matter how you got there :)