This past Sunday night, one freshman asked me after our The Screwtape Letters discussion, "Joyce, were you this wise as a freshman?"
I laughed. And then I said, "Actually, I think I've regressed. I don't think I'm as wise as I used to be."
Sadly, it's true. I look back upon years past, and I realize that there was a time when I had more hope, more optimism, more faith. Certainly, I've gained more knowledge and a better grasp of reality over the years, but with that has come the infiltration of human weakness into my mental calculations. I "know" certain truths, and yet... I don't know. Wisdom - or the fear of the Lord, as it says in Job 28 (ironically, my essay topic last week) - is no longer as apparent as it once was. I no longer cling as tightly to God as I used to, because in my heart, I believe my sinfulness, and the depravity of this world, to be greater than His sovereignty. I think I do know more - in my head anyway, the semblance of what others may perceive to be wisdom - but in my heart, there still struggles to survive the faith of a child, the innocence that recognizes nothing else but the face of her loving Father.
Holy, You are still holy,
Even when the darkness surrounds my life.
Sovereign, You are still sovereign,
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes.
It's still true.
Consider it all joy when ye encounter diverse temptations, knowing this, that the testing of your faith produces patience, and let patience have her perfect work, so that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
I will have faith again.
I laughed. And then I said, "Actually, I think I've regressed. I don't think I'm as wise as I used to be."
Sadly, it's true. I look back upon years past, and I realize that there was a time when I had more hope, more optimism, more faith. Certainly, I've gained more knowledge and a better grasp of reality over the years, but with that has come the infiltration of human weakness into my mental calculations. I "know" certain truths, and yet... I don't know. Wisdom - or the fear of the Lord, as it says in Job 28 (ironically, my essay topic last week) - is no longer as apparent as it once was. I no longer cling as tightly to God as I used to, because in my heart, I believe my sinfulness, and the depravity of this world, to be greater than His sovereignty. I think I do know more - in my head anyway, the semblance of what others may perceive to be wisdom - but in my heart, there still struggles to survive the faith of a child, the innocence that recognizes nothing else but the face of her loving Father.
Holy, You are still holy,
Even when the darkness surrounds my life.
Sovereign, You are still sovereign,
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes.
It's still true.
Consider it all joy when ye encounter diverse temptations, knowing this, that the testing of your faith produces patience, and let patience have her perfect work, so that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
I will have faith again.
